Nightmares
by Lyrics Amidala
Summary: Lena Duchannes has nothing left to live for. Ethan is gone forever, dead. Her life is a nightmare


**Disclaimer: I do not own the Caster Chronicles. Well, at least, until my plot to murder the authors and take possession of their characters follows through. Any day now. So, once again, I would like to dedicate this story to Fogs of Gray, because she is amazing. Seriously, she knows how to write. So, read and review. Actually, please review! I'm like Tinkerbelle. I need applause (read **_**reviews**_**) to live. **

_L…E…N…A… _I bolted awake to Ethan's Kelting. The water tower. What did that mean? _What does it mean, Ethan? _No response. I tried again, but something felt off. It felt as though the connection between us had been severed. I pressed my balled first against my forehead. _Ethan?! _I was starting to panic. I jumped off my bed, and bolted into our library. Liv did not disappoint. She was there, studying God knows what. I grabbed her arm.

"Do you know where Ethan is?" I asked. She shook her head. "I can't reach him anymore! I had a dream about the water tower, and when I woke up, I couldn't Kelt with him!" Liv nodded, starting to look anxious herself.

"Maybe you should go to the water tower," she suggested. I nodded, and the two of us ran to the hearse. I drove recklessly, nearly crashing into a tree. Several trees, actually. I parked by the water tower. As I got out, I noticed something. The heat was less intense. I noticed the dark head of John Breed. Liv shot out towards him. The air was heavy with a crushing emotion. As Liv and I ran to the water tower, I heard shrieks and desperate sobs. As we came closer, I saw the huddled figure, clutching something.

"My boy! My boy!" It was Amma. Macon was holding her shoulders as she screamed. I tore towards her, and stopped dead. Ethan was lying on the ground, his head bent at an unnatural angle, a small amount of blood staining the earth around his head. He was still, so still.

"Ethan?" The sound choked off. "Ethan!" The shriek tore through me, raw and horrifying. I dropped to my knees, shoved Amma out of the way. I shook Ethan's shoulders. "_Ethan!" _My hands trailed shakily across his chest. No heartbeat. My fists banged his chest. "Ethan! No!" Tears poured down my cheeks. He had made the sacrifice. "Ethan! Please! I lost my mother, I _CAN'T _lose you too!" The sobs wrenched from my chest as I cried. Rain began to fall, soaking my hair. Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled. I looked at the water tower, and at that moment, I wanted it to fall. Fall and crush me, so I could be with Ethan. The tower started to sway.

"Lena." Just one word. It wasn't even Ethan who said it, but Uncle M. I sobbed shrilly. I buried my head in Ethan's chest. I felt a cool hand on my cheek, and heard Uncle Macon's soothing voice.

"_Denique Pace Tranquilla, Etiam," _he murmured. The Soothing Cast. Instantly, warmth overcame me, and I fell asleep.

XxX

I bolted awake, hand pressed to my forehead. _Ethan, I had the most horrible nightmare. _I waited for a response, but my mind felt strangely disconnected, like if I had tried calling a disabled number. It was real. Ethan was dead. With a sob, I fell back on my pillow, crying hard. I fisted the pink fur of an old toy, a bunny; Uncle M gave it me when I was a baby. He must have known I would need the comfort when I woke up. I looked out my window, and saw Link and John digging a grave. They told Link. I was glad they told Link about Ethan. I don't think I would have been able to stomach it. Someone tapped on my door.

"Lena?" Macon asked through the door. "May I come in?" I stared at the ceiling, tears slipping down my face. "Please?" I made a noise of affirmation. Macon walked in cautiously. I didn't look at him, just stared at the ceiling. I couldn't stomach looking at him. I rolled over on my stomach. Did Macon know the pain I was going through right now? My uncle's hands rubbed a small circle between my shoulder blades. "He never felt any pain Lena." I nodded.

"Will there be a funeral, Uncle M?" I asked, my voice muffled by my pillow.

"Yes," he answered. "At sunset. Will you come?" I nodded again. Of course I would come. It was _Ethan's _funeral. I could hear Uncle Macon close the door gently as he left. I began to cry again, my pillow damp with tears. I tried to Kelt again, even though it was no use. _Ethan…_

XxX

The sky was golden. With streaks of blood red too. I was wearing the dress I had worn when I first went to Jackson High. The first day I had seen Ethan. Amma was there, along with Liv, John, and Link. Uncle Macon squeezed my shoulder. The grave was still fresh, with a wooden cross. We had each brought something for the grave. As I laid my item down, between Liv and Link's, I noticed how Amma refused to look at Macon. It seemed as if Ethan's death was tearing everything apart. Liv straightened.

"I think we should each say a few words," she said. "I'll go." She took a deep breath. "Ethan was extraordinary. He was kind, and generous, and selfless. Selfless enough to sacrifice himself so the rest of us could live." A tear slipped out of her eye as she stepped back. John put an arm around her shoulder.

"Ethan was a good guy," he said. "Despite the fact that I almost accidentally killed his girlfriend, he was willing to be there for me when I thought I was the One Who Is Two." Amma stalked up to the grave, eyes furious and full of sorrow.

"Ethan Lawson Wate," she began. "I raised you since you were a babe, watched you grow into a fine young man. You were a good boy. _My_ boy." She stepped back.

"Where's the gate, Melchizedek?" She asked harshly. Uncle Macon pointed, and Amma stalked off. Link came up to the grave, his eyes bleak.

"You were my best friend dude," he said. "We went through a whole lot a shit together. The Twinkie, Lena's birthday, Lena's craziness, my Transformation. And now I'm gonna have to get through your death without you. Hope you're happy on the other side." It was now just me and Macon left. I didn't want to go. I hadn't thought of any words to say. Macon walked up to the grave.

"You were a good young man, Mr. Wate," my uncle said. "I never knew your father, but I know that you had everyone one of your mother's good qualities. Her kindness, and her willing to see past the Darkness in everyone, in order to reach the Light. You will never be forgotten." My turn. I walked unsteadily to the grave. Ethan was under there, cold and unfeeling.

"I'll miss you Ethan," I began hoarsely. "Every day. I'll love you until I die, so I can join you." I felt my legs buckle, and I collapsed on my knees, hands digging into the soft earth. I wasn't ready to let him go. He couldn't be gone. "Please Ethan, come back…" My voice cracked, and more tears pooled in my eyes. I felt Uncle Macon's hands on my shoulders, and I buried my face in his chest, hugging him tightly. _Ethan…_ Was I Kelting to him again? The name repeated over and over, an unheard sob tearing through my mind. _Ethan Ethan Ethan Ethan! _

XxX

Two days since the funeral. I had been having horrible nightmares every night. I would wake up, shrieking, crying out for Ethan. My throat was raw from all the sobs, and my voice hoarse from crying, and lack of use. Uncle M didn't sleep now. Every time he heard me scream, he would bolt up to my room, and hold my while I wept. I stayed in my room all the time, wrapped up in my blankets. I read, and I ate the food Uncle Macon brought me. Sometimes, he would just hold me, and I would lean into him, grateful to have someone to lean on. But I missed Ethan desperately. Every time I fell asleep, I could see his face. One night, I woke from another dream, crying. It wasn't a nightmare. It was such an amazing dream. Ethan and I were at Greenbrier, talking and laughing. I leaned in for a kiss, and the minute our lips met, that was when I woke up.

"No…" I moaned tearfully, clutching my sheets. Instantly, I noticed a figure in the rocking chair in my room. Uncle M got up and moved swiftly to my side, holding me as I began to cry again. I felt so guilty about everything. Uncle Macon wasn't getting any sleep, and I had killed Ethan. "It's my fault!" I sobbed, clutching Macon's shirt in my fists. "I killed him! If I hadn't left on the night of my Sixteenth Moon, he wouldn't have died, and I wouldn't have brought him back and split his soul! I killed him, Uncle M!" His hand stroked my hair.

"Shhhhh, darling, it's all right," he murmured. "Don't cry Lena. I know it hurts, I know." He did know. He had loved a Mortal himself, a Wate no less. He knew the pain I was going through.

"Did it hurt this much?" I asked. "When she died?" Uncle M knew whom I was talking about. His hands gripped me a little tighter.

"You knew that Ethan loved you, didn't you?" He asked. I nodded into his shirt. "Well, for me, I didn't know if Lila Jane still loved me or not. But yes, it hurt this much. Even more because I didn't have a loving and supportive uncle to hold me every time another wave of grief hit." I clutched him even more tightly, tears seeping onto his clothes. I loved him so much. He was my anchor in this time, my rock.

"I love you Uncle Macon," I whispered. "And I never want to lose you again." He kisses my hair.

"I love you too Lena."

XxX

When I awoke the next morning, I was alone in my room. Alone, except for Boo, who was guarding my door. Macon must have left him there to comfort me in case I woke up to another nightmare. I wrapped myself in a robe and, for the first time in two days, left my room. I walked to the living room, where Uncle M was reading a book and sipping sweet tea.

"Uncle Macon?" I was shocked at the sound of my own voice. Hoarse and unused, totally unlike me. Macon whipped around to stare at me, before breaking into a tentative smile.

"Come sit down, sweetheart," he said. I complied, and snuggled next to him.

"I never apologized," I told him.

"Apologized for what?" Uncle Macon asked absentmindedly.

"On the night of my sixteenth birthday, when I said you never loved anyone." Uncle M snapped his book shut in surprise, and stared at me.

"Lena, I have loved exactly four people in my life," he said slowly. "My mother, Arelia, my sister, Leah, Lila Jane and _you_. Arelia and Leah don't visit often, and Lila Jane is dead. You are the only one here, staring at me with those beautiful eyes, apologizing for something I know you didn't _mean_." I felt a fresh wave of tears coming on.

"You've always been like a father to me, Uncle M," I sniffed, throwing my arms around his neck. He hugged me back.

"And I've loved you as much as I would have loved my own daughter."

XxX

I was spending an awful lot of time with Link. He was as depressed as me about Ethan. We would talk at Ravenwood, but never at Greenbrier.

"The Twinkie really fell on the floor?" I asked, laughing. Link nodded, grinning openly. I hadn't laughed in such a long time.

"Yeah, it really did," he answered. "Jesus, we did a lot a shit when we were kids." We both sobered up, thinking of Ethan. I missed him, so much. I loved him still, so much that it hurt. I stared outside, at the gray clouds. I Kelted to him one final time. _I love you Ethan Lawson Wate. And I always will. _


End file.
